I’ve always struggling with the idea of keeping a blog, though I do enjoy reading other people’s thoughts. I suppose I just thought it was a bit presumptuous to assume that anyone would want to know the mess that’s going on inside my head. So each time I would sit down to write, that thought would be floating around. To some extent, that has kept me away for almost a year.
But I don’t think that’s the only reason. I think there’s a fear of letting people know everything that’s going on in my head. It can be almost overwhelming of letting people in; especially for us preacher types. We live in enough of a fish bowl. Why would I want to make it any worse?
There’s one other fear that has kept me from sharing my thoughts . . . what people will think about what I am thinking. Will they judge me? Will they ignore me? Will they be offended and get mad? To some extent (though I’m still not sure how much), I think those fears are justified. I’m apart of a larger faith heritage that can be pretty judgmental when we want to. We can be exclusive and sometimes even mean. I know, I’ve given and received my share judgment and meaness (not sure that’s a word?).
The one thought that I keep coming back to is that I have been judgmental to my own church family by assuming they might react in that same manner. I think I’ve been completely wrong on that. No, I know I’ve been completely wrong on that. I am so blessed to worship with and minister to a community of believers that values peace and unity and love. That’s really cool. Do I run the risk of being an irritant. Sure, but I do that just by showing up. So I’m banking on the idea that sharing a few thoughts can’t make it any worse. Plus, while I have certainly had time to learn and experience the grace that permeates through my community, I hope at the same time they have come to know me for who I am and who I strive to be. I’m hoping that will bank me a little extra grace.
With that in mind I think it’s time to start pouring out some of the thoughts that have been in process over the past year. May God bless you and keep you.